Grief is one of those words that means so much, yet still not adequate in its definition. It’s an action, a state of being, something that we do and yet just happens to us, that is not one-size-fits-all. We all grieve differently.
Some people are doers, they express their grief by busying themselves with doing good things to remember those who have passed on and to help those who remain.
Some people get lost in their grief and need others to come along side them and walk through the grief with them. Maybe even to pull them out of their despair.
Some people ignore their grief and suppress it, only to have it rear its ugly head later as unwanted anger or resentment.
Some of us are all of the above I guess. You can’t really label grief entirely.
Love is another such word. It is an action, a state of being, it is not simply an emotion, no OSFA definition to the word or how people apply it in their lives. People express their love in various ways. Some are doers, some are “talkers” (who like to express via words rather than deeds), some are touchy-feely types who want to hug you all the time… 😉 We are all different and even different in various times and circumstances.
When someone is grieving and they express their desire to do something to honor the loved one, and/or the surviving loved ones, it is a disservice to deny them. If I’ve learned anything from my bereavement doula training it is this, people need to express their grief. Don’t shut them up. Help them to do so in beneficial and appropriate ways.
This does not mean to take advantage of generosity of course. There has to be a delicate balance.
Growing up I was greatly influenced by my Grandparents who believed that one should not take “charity”, as they called it. If someone offered to do something for you, or give you something, you should not take it, you could buy it from them, but not accept a gift. However, they would have been highly offended if someone didn’t accept a gift from them. Smacks of double standards to me and this mind-set is one that is quite contrary to Biblical thinking in my understanding. Certainly there is truth in not taking advantage of good-hearted individuals. Yet the whole of the “new testament” is about helping one-another. Feeding others who have no means at the time. Giving, helping, doing for others. Selling your own goods to help a brother/sister in need. All of this “charity” stems from a heart of love. How do you tell someone to not show their love? I can’t imagine that. Yeshua (Jesus) says that this is how the world knows we are his disciples, by our love for our brothers. It is the heart of the entire Law.
Now abides these three: Faith, Hope and Love (Charity), but the greatest of these is love.
Expressing our love during times of grief is paramount to the healing process. I want to honor my Father, do things that keep his good name alive, to keep his heritage alive because I love him. I guess I’m a type of doer in this regard. Many people are. I can’t imagine how I would feel if someone told me I couldn’t do that. It’s out of that place that I gratefully accept the love and honor that others give to my Dad, in his memory, to me and to others. And in time, I hope to return the love and honor to them in whatever ways possible.
June 21, last Friday, was the day that we had set aside to ride out to the cabin, for just a day trip, to check the trails and hopefully do a little trail grooming/clearing and playing in the mud. We rode out to the end of the road, unloaded the wheeler, parked the truck and took off for the beach. We rode out on the beach half way to Leif’s Creek and then went up “Jacob’s Ladder” to the trail above. Four wheeling on the beach was fun, but wow, what a muddy, messy ride up Jacob’s ladder. Lots of holes and a really messed up trail from all the rough riders ripping and tearing through there. 😦 Really hard to navigate plus you are right on the edge of the bluff.
Finally made it to the main trail, remember, still have about 5 miles or so to go as Leif’s Creek is the half-way point. Through mud. Some places were so dry that we kicked up some dust, but mostly, it was thick, sticky mud, and water holes covered with stagnant water and mosquitoes.
The first part of the ride “my driver” (ha ha, I sound like Miss Daisy) took it easy on me and went slow through the mud. We got stuck in a deep hole that we just couldn’t get the wheeler out of, so we had to use the wench and pull it out. I fell into the mud bog trying to move around in the middle of that big mud hole, holding the rope tied to a tree and the wench. Muddy pant legs from the knees down. Muddy gloves, mud in the gloves. While stopped there I saw some large wolf tracks in the mud. (that’s for you Makayla!)
We went on up the trail till we met some friends on the way, Tami and Mike. Stopped to visit with them a bit. Mike gave us a good summary of the trail in front of us, told us where to avoid and where to go around the bigger mud bogs. Talked about mosquitoes because they are big news this year, they are so bad! And talked about Dad. Heard more stories about him, I don’t think I’ll ever grow weary of hearing people talk about him.
Then we were off again. We forded a water crossing with water up to mid-calf and away we went. The rest of our trip went well, since we had good instructions from Mike about the bad spots and we made it to the cabin with only a few more “stuck” spots. We saw some bear sign on the trail (that’s the nice way of saying bear poop) and lots of moose tracks.
Checked on the cabin, watered the garden, killed some mosquitoes, ate some lunch that we packed in, smashed sandwiches taste pretty good when you’ve worked up an appetite battling the mud! 😉 After a short break, back to the trail to get out. We had to be back in town by 4 pm, and we were racing the tide, needed to be off the beach by 3:30 or so we thought, so we had to get going.
For some reason, the trip back was a little more muddier than the trip in. Someone decided that it would be more fun to baha through the mud more and although he was right, it was a lot more fun, it was also a lot more muddier and bouncy! I nearly bounced off that wheeler a couple of times. My arms are still sore from holding the rack. It was quite the initiation to the summer Gray Cliffs mud and trail, and 4 wheeling.
Ran into Tami and Mike again, who had a few extra friends with them. I love being introduced to new people as “This is Chuck’s Daughter”. LOL Some of them actually ask MY name, others are just fine with Chuck’s Daughter. I need a name tag that says “Hello, my name is Chuck’s Daughter” and just wear it around town. While we were stopped we saw a cow moose and her twin calves coming down the trail at us. She got pretty close considering the noise the 9 of us were making!
We made it to the beach at 2:10 and the tide was coming in. We probably didn’t have until 3:30. Learning these tides is a whole new experience to be sure. There’s the timing of the tides, and the height or how far in they are coming, and learning where that mark is on the beach, and learning the beach… I feel like I’m cramming for final exams.
I’m glad we went in though, gave me a good understanding of the difficulty of the mud trail, and what all we need to get done before Dad’s memorial in July (which is A LOT!). And the reality of how out of shape that I am! Wowzers! There’s no way we could ride the kids in on wheelers in that mess. Maybe a track rig or a 6 wheeled rig, but not a 4-wheeler!
Next time, with rain gear and taller boots I hope, I will have even more fun. Who knows, pretty soon I’ll be riding in on my own wheeler, then we can race, and eventually I’ll win. 😉
Baptized with mud…
My first day went well. It wont take me long to be up to speed, however, punching a time clock will be a change for me after a decade of not having to do so. My trainer is great and I’m going to enjoy working with her, she’s very upbeat and positive. The first three days I’ll be in department with someone, then my last three days this week I’ll be on my own for the large part of the day, on the three busiest days of the week too! Wish me success!!
Alaska on my mind... 