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Monthly Archives: July 2013

Fireweed

English: Fireweed – Epilobium angustifolium

English: Fireweed – Epilobium angustifolium (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The fireweed is in bloom, has been for
a couple of weeks now. I’ve longed to see it since I was here in ’94.
The Northern Lights are the only thing I still long to see here in
The Great Land now that I’m enjoying the fireweed!

 

The flowers are vibrant, bright pink
and tall, my Seester would love them! I hear tell there’s a place
down by Homer that has hills that are simply covered with the it and
it looks like the hills are on fire. I hope to see that soon.

 

Fireweed is our signal that summer is
nearing its end. Our daylight hours are already starting to wane.
This time next month we will really be noticing the difference.

 

Life

 

Life has a way of keeping us distracted. Work, drama, family life, all those little things that make up our world.

 

I’ve been working a job that has had me working Sabbaths, which has been very difficult. I’ve struggled with every Saturday since I got the job. An inner turmoil, not wanting to work, yet finding myself in need of an income. One of those reasons that kept me there in my former life for so long. It’s hard being a single mother. It’s hard to find reliable childcare. Even those with the best of intentions and hearts get burnt out. They have lives to live too. As do I.

 

All this time, working a job with horrible hours, working Sabbaths, being away from my kids, who I do miss terribly… it all adds up.

 

I had to put in my notice with my current employer due to family commitments. So I’m on the hunt again for employment that will let me be flexible and spend time with my kiddos and bring in an adequate income at the same time and let me have Sabbaths off. Not an easy fix.

 

Someone once asked me how I could stay married to someone who didn’t communicate with me for so along. Well, this is one of the reasons, because I knew how difficult single parenting was/is. “It’s hard.” is an understatement. But I can’t imagine continuing with the way things were either. I don’t regret my move, or decision to divorce and start over, but it’s not always easy. Somethings in life aren’t easy. But they are worth it.

 

Important

If nothing else, the last month has reminded me of some of the most important things in life: family, friendship, faith, fun. And why do they all begin with the let “F”?? lol

 

 

Family: I miss my family greatly, my Mom and Richie. It’s hard not being able to jump in the van and drive down for dinner or just to say “Hi”. I miss those fuzzy mustache Richie kisses. My Seester is missing from me. Her vibrant love of life, her sarcasm. Her flamboyant style, hot pink and all. 🙂 And I miss John too, and his cooking. Don’t miss his farts tho. Nope. I miss my buddy Ace too.

 

 

Friendship: Elizabeth. Yep, miss her greatly. Our weekly visits and kid’s play time. Her brownies… 😉 Her smile and gentle spirit. I miss Teresa and Greg. Our Monday night Bible studies, our “Like-mindedness” in so many areas. Miss our fellowship times and camping fun.

 

 

Faith: I haven’t lost my faith by any means, but being here sort of isolated at the moment, I feel a little lost. We have tried to keep some semblance of routine with Torah readings and blessings, but with working long hours and being gone so much, it is really hard to do. I miss our fellowship and Bible study times with our friends. And I miss having the internet so I can watch/listen to weekly lessons. I hope that’s remedied soon.

 

 

Fun: ha. All work and no play makes Brandi a dull girl instead of a “fine” girl. Hiking, fishing, camping, 4-wheeling, bike riding… all these things I’d hoped to do A LOT of, well, we’ve done a bit of it, but not near enough here lately. Gonna have to work on that! More beach trips, and hiking trails are in our future. 😉 With only about 2 ½ months until freeze-up, we’d better get a move on! Then we’ll be ready winter fun activities. Snowmobiling mostly… more trips to the cabin, lots of cabin time I hope! A toasty fire and some hot cocoa.

 

 

If you’re mentioned above, I hope you know how much I love and miss you. If you’re not mentioned above, I hope you also know how much I love and miss you in my life as well. Just had to limit it to the highlights you know? 😉

 

Cooking

 

I only packed a few cookbooks. The Gluten Free Gourmet was one of them. And For Zion’s Sake was another. I’ve been using my For Zion’s Sake cookbook a lot! My friend Chris bought it for me two years ago at Sukkot. It took me a while to start using it, but once I did, I found it invaluable! I’m very thankful for it. Not only does it have only Kosher ingredients and special recipes for Passover/Pesach, but it has a lot of gluten-free and “healthy” recipes too! It’s a great all-around cookbook for me.

 

Today we are making some banana bread. We recently got a bunch (like a whole box) of bananas so we have plenty of banana bread to make! I’m making a gluten-free banana blueberry loaf and a wheat banana cake for everyone else. I thought some rhubarb sauce might be good over the top of it for dessert later! We have plenty of rhubarb that we brought in from the cabin in the freezer now.

 

Enchilada casserole is our main dish, with guacamole, sour cream and salsa… yum!

 

Dip Netters

English: Traditional Salmon Fishing, Fraser Ri...

English: Traditional Salmon Fishing, Fraser River, Canada Deutsch: Traditionelles Lachsfischen, Fraser River, Kanada (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well, dip net season is open. Dip nets
are huge fishing nets, that fishermen use to catch large quantities of salmon
at once. The season opened on Wednesday. Lots of travelers and tourists here in town now. People from Minnesota, Texas, North
Carolina, Canada, Sweden… Washington, California, & Japan. All
over the world, they come here to catch our red salmon. And drink,
boy can they drink. Once the nets come in, they head to their
campers/tents/hotel rooms and sauce it up… Fish fast, drink faster.
Talk about a different experience.

We have avoided the beach since it’s
“combat fishing” down there. And plenty of dead fish carcasses
and litter. As soon as dip net season is over, we’ll head back down
with lots of trash bags to start cleaning up the mess they
leave…
Until then, we’ll stay off of the beach.

Related articles

Thoughts…

 

 

They fill my mind,

 

Overwhelming at times….

 

Of me, and what I need to do.

 

Of my kids and their needs. Clothes, food, education, play…

 

Of reality… an estranged spouse who doesn’t want to work on an amiable division. Trying to find work… Again.
Fishing, I really want to go fishing…

 

Of life, and the ironic things that happen to us and others around us…

 

Of those I miss, my seester, my BFF, my Mom…. My Dad.

 

Of starting new and fresh. Can I live a happy life? Really? Is there “happy ever after”?

 

Am I going to be able to fall asleep tonight?? It’s after midnight and the thoughts are rolling through my mind so loudly that I can’t sleep.

 

A Good Sabbath

 

This has been a rough week. Between working 4 closing nights in a row (including one very busy night with no help), the emotionally charged days of July 4th and 5th, and learning about Howard’s death (the first death I’ve had to process since Dad’s), I’m exhausted.

 

 

But…

 

 

We got up this morning and read our Torah portion. We read about the Israelites coming into the Promised land, crossing over the Jordan River and finally getting their inheritance. Finally. After 40long years, and several battles, the children of Israel were home. YHVH shows his faithfulness and keeps his word, once again. We have this promise to stand on, that YHVH will always keep his word.

 

After our Torah portion we put in some praise music and enjoyed the peaceful environment that always creates.

 

 

A good sabbath.

 

 

It seems that no matter what our Torah portion is about, there is always something in it that corresponds to our current life situation. I can see several parallels here. YHVH is faithful, even when we are not. He even keeps our end of the bargain through Yeshua. And when we are not faithful, we have the ability to turn from our evil-doing, and there he is, faithfully waiting. (this is not license to do evil, but his mercy and grace). We do the best we can with what we have at times.

 

This Torah portion mentions Caleb (Kaleb) a few times. I always enjoy the portions with Caleb in them. Caleb was faithful. His faith is an inspiration to us all. Even in the face of giants, Caleb was faithful, along with Joshua (Yehoshua).

 

 

I wish I were more like Caleb and Joshua. I wish that my faith wouldn’t waiver in the face of giants. But it does. I’m human. I make wrong decisions. I do the best I can with what I have, and I walk on.

 

Melancholy

 

You know that feeling, bittersweet memories. Looking back over the years and reminiscing.
Yesterday, my former co-worker and friend Louise called me to let me know that one of our supervisors from the Post Office had passed away. His name was Howard.

 

Howard was a great guy, just a few years older than me. He brought a ray of sunshine to our dark work environment. He was fun, loved to joke and laugh. He was fair. Having a fair boss makes a huge difference in your outlook at work.

 

Howard was a husband and father. I know that this loss is great for them, I’m grieved for his wife and kids.

 

Working at the post office for my first three years was no picnic. There was always someone stirring the pot, making the clerks mad at the carriers or inner fighting in our own ranks, so much drama in efforts to keep us occupied and off of management’s back. Add to that the nonsense of the union, and the red tape and bureaucracy of government regulations, oh yeah, and a tyrant for a boss, and you can imagine it wasn’t a nice place to work. Howard made it bearable for me and others. He brought a fresh perspective. He didn’t make decisions solely based on his own advancement or what would look good to his boss. I respect him for that. He was a peacemaker.

 

Howard died just a few days after my Dad did, on April 6. I think of his kids. They would be teens by now. How they must feel, loosing their Dad unexpectedly and during such a formative time in their life. My heart aches for them, I know that pain.
I think of his wife Lynette. Loosing a spouse that you genuinely loved and expected to live out your days with, I can’t imagine what that feels like. My heart aches for her, but I have not known that kind of pain.

 

Some people come into our lives for only a short period of time. But they leave a lasting impression on us. Howard was one of those people in my life.
Rest peacefully my friend.

 

Independence Day

Happy Independence Day!!

Old Glory

Old Glory

July 4th has double meaning for us this year, it marks our first month anniversary of living in Alaska! Yes, it’s been an entire month already! Time does fly!

This is my second Independence Day in Alaska, the first one was in 1994, in Seward for the big celebration. What a crazy time that was! This one will be much more subdued!

I hope your Independence Day is blessed!

Good Intentions

The road to hell is paved with good intentions… or so they say.

I’ve had them in the past, felt that I was trying to be “helpful” and voiced my opinion, when what I should have done was asked “how can I pray for you?” or “can I help you in any way”… Instead of offering my thoughts on what they should or shouldn’t do.

Ever happen to you?

Yeah, it’s happening to me.

I understand why, but it’s still hard to accept.

I guess that maybe my bereavement doula training has offered me even greater insight and wisdom in this regard. No matter how much information we think we may know about a situation, if you haven’t walked in the shoes of the person experiencing it, you cannot fully understand. You can try to, you can empathize, you can be supportive, or you can say hurtful things with your good intentions. The power of life and death is in the tongue, use it wisely.